|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||January 23, 2004|
|Written by||Mark Drop|
|Directed by||Howy Parkins|
Rite of Pillage
Dave in his capacity as temporary ruler of Udrogoth forces the citizenry to attend his musical production, "Oh, Pastry!", allowing Chuckles the Silly Piggy to invade.
- [Candy gripes about ruling as a princess, and points oud that Dave wasn't given "the dumb job."]
- Dave: No. But if they had, I would bear the burden with grace, dignity, and style. Also, I'd redo the throne room in a polynesian motif.
- [Dave's second proclamation as King.]
- Dave: Henceforth, every Saturday will be Udrogoth Spirit Day. All subjects will wear the kingdom's official colors: red, a slightly darker red, and another red a lot like the first one, but more sort of... salmony.
- Dinky: I hate your brother's stupid Spirit Day law. Red is so not my color. It makes me look slain.
- [Dave proclaims that all cats in the kingdom must be shaved.]
- Sentry on the Right: It was going okay until I started shaving his belly.
- Sentry on the Left: Yeah, they look pretty cute 'til they get mad, huh?
- Fang: You've gotta stop passing all these stupid laws! Everybody's really mad at you! Especially the cats.
- [A rock with a note tied to it breaks through a window. Dave catches and reads it.]
- Dave: It says, "Meow."
- Fang: And they mean it.
- Dave: I'll show them! Heads will roll! Excrutiating punishments will be enacted! Wedgies will be given!
- [Dave orders all subjects to attend the opening day of his musical, "Oh, Pastry!"]
- Sentry on the Left: "Every subject must attend?" But if we go, the kingdom will be unguarded against invaders.
- Sentry on the Right: Nope. See, it says, "All invaders must attend as well."
- Sentry on the Left: Wow, the king thinks of everything.
- [The intro to Dave's musical.]
- Dave: [Singing.] With all the suffering in the world... that makes us feel sad, or irate... One thing still fills us all with joy and starchy carbohydrates... Pastry, why the heck are you so tasty?
- [Chuckles struggles getting the Enchanted Throne of Udrogoth to make him king.]
- Chuckles: Now make me king, or I'll reupholster you in a really ugly plad!
- [Another scene in Dave's musical.]
- Dave: Alas, poor danish, what is thy filling? Well, who knows better than the danish prince!
- Dave: As the true King of Udrogoth, I order you to... Stop being mean!
- Chuckles: Okay, time for new laws! [Clears throat.] First, pickled pigs' feet do not belong in jars in delis, they belong on [Screaming] pigs' ankles!
- Dave: You call that a law?
- Chuckles: It beats shaving cats.
- [Candy brings the citizens of Udrogoth to rescue David.]
- Sentry on the Right: We will defend to the death he who brought us Casual Dress Friday!
- Proclaimer: Even if he did make us watch that awful play!
- Sentry on the Right: You know, you don't have to yell like that. You're not making proclamations.
- Proclaimer: Yell like what?!